Aug. 15 - Otakon 2006: A Follow-Up
Otakon is more than a week over, and I have yet to give you an update on the status of my prediction list. I'd have to say it was a pitiful performance, though I did accomplish a lot of other awesome things that were not on the list. I'll get into some of that later.
1. Go to the rave (Complete)
I did, in fact, go to the rave. Unfortunately it wasn't for very long. On Saturday night we decided to get shit-faced and head on down to the game room before going to the rave. While the game room was a hell of a time, it did not help with completing the fourth item on my list. More on that later.
Our friends from the game room. Blur effect added to simulate intoxication.
So by the time we got to the rave, people were dancing and sweating and jumping around and generally acting like imbeciles. Regrettably I had sobered up too much to partake in this event on any immersive level. This greatly hindered #2, which was...
2. Pick up some con ass (Incomplete)
It just didn't happen. Shut your mouth.
However, despite this lack of otome poon, I realize that I was fully capable of getting some, but the effort just never came into play.
Trust me, when you only get to see your friends one weekend a year, getting on some skanky pock-marked anime ass is not the first thing on your mind. Besides, I have Dan for that.
3. Glomp one of those people with the "Glomp Me" t-shirts (Incomplete)
I was too drunk for this one. Or not drunk enough. I don't remember.
I didn't glomp anyone, but I did kick this guy.
4. Defeat everyone in Soul Calibur (rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrCRASSHHHH)
As the parenthetical suggests, this one went down in flames. Replace the word "everyone" with "absolutely fucking NO one. Not even Dan" and I would have passed with flying colors.
Despite my pitiful performance, Dan did very well. Once he got into his Maxi groove, he was practically undefeatable. Based on my performance against Dan, I would say that I was better than most of the people who played, but the inherent problem lies in defeating the seated incumbent. That person who's been playing for the last 45 minutes? Yeah, he's there for a reason. He's fucking fantastic. Or cheap. I'm going with the latter. Dan performed stunningly well, and since I mentioned him in the original post, I'm going to consider this one a halfhearted success.
5. Buy some tentacle porn (Partial)
While I did not get some tentacle porn in the traditional sense, I did get some things that I consider higher on the What-The-Fuck-O-Meter.
The first item was practically tentacle porn; a little Japanese comic by the name of Urotsukidoji: Return of the Chojin from a Mr. Toshio Maeda. This one had some semblance of a plot, and the only reason I got it was because it has a man eating a woman out with a long, serpentine tongue, which is kind of like a tentacle. U: RotC also has some sort of a story but I didn't bother following it.
The next one I consider infinitely more disgusting. Furry porn.
Furry porn.
This one is from Sin Factory Comics. It is called Genus. It is fucking disgusting. The last title had fucked-up humans in it; this one has anthropomorphic humanoid bunnies and camels with huge tits, giant schlongs, and shaved pussies.
How the fuck does a bunny have a shaved pussy?
Not furry porn, but still revolting.
In any case, Genus is disgusting and stupid. There was one scene, however, that made me sit back and go "what the fuck? Who gets off on that?"
A group of female human-bunnies are trying to recruit another female bunny thing into their little interspecial lesbian sex group. Out of nowhere, one of the bunnies takes her entire arm and jams it down the throat of her bunny friend. They continue to talk while, I assume, she gains sexual pleasure from the tingling sensation of her fingers swirling around in stomach acid. A few frames later, she decides she's had enough and proceeds to remove her arm from the bunny's throat, as she stares at her slimy-ass hand, the two locking eyes with a combination of disgust and delight.
Ew.
If anyone wants to see it, I may scan it in. But seriously, why would you?
6. Steal one of Man-Faye's asshairs (Never met him)
HER WHOLE GODDAMN ARM! FUCK!
Man-Fayes: 0. Zombies: 3.
Expect to see more Otakon pictures on Slacker-Central in the near future, hopefully in the elusive "Photos" section. In the mean time, be happy with what you've got. Jackals.
Posted by Nick Nobel
