Aug. 8 - Otakon 2006: Cosplaying and Pornography (Part 1)
Welcome to Slacker-Central all you we met at Otakon.
Also welcome anyone who is wondering "who the hell was that Communist Wolfwood?"
That was me.
Thank you Nick's friend Pat for the picture.
Now let me tell you a story, the story of how I freaked the shit out of an entire booth full of hentai fans. Walking around the dealer's room I had this idea: how do you make hentai fans cower in shame and disgust? How do you make someone who reads, draws, and talks about some of the most depraved pornography on the planet shudder in abhorrence? Simply ask for something even more depraved. Well Nathan didn't think I could do it, and to be honest neither did I. I walked confidently up to the all-hentai-all-the-time booth and found myself standing in front of the most crowded area of the dealer's room. I saw people buying, reading and talking about tentacle rape, sodomy and furry porn, I realized I couldn't simply ask for the most deviant pornography they had, they sold out hours ago and all seemed in vain. There was a confident blonde man standing behind the counter and I looked in awe as a man clad in ninja garb explained to me the fineries of hermaphroditic erotica while cracking the spine of yet another copy of "The Best of Both Worlds". And then, INSPIRATION! I knew exactly what to ask for and at that very moment my Arian opponent stepped aside to reveal a small, timid, ashamed man who was to be my target and I struck
With gusto.
"Excuse me, shop-keep. as far as deviance goes, do you have anything that is a cut above the rest?" My first words brought confusion to my new friend, he was off balance and he never saw what was coming next, I almost feel bad for him... and everyone else at that booth.
"I'm looking for a birthday present for a close family member." I said, so casually I couldn't not be serious. He shook his head in awe, while every customer shuddered in the kind of shame that only comes when you are shown a mirror of yourself that has washed away all the pink elephants that keep you sane and shows you the absolute reality, like the world's brightest spotlight shown directly on your soul. Then his hunt began.
He searched through three boxes of unimaginable literature, things I cannot even speak of here, and he handed me this:
It's almost innocent, quaint compared to the little box of horrors he drew it from.
He said that it looked decent on the outside but inside, he explained, it was about a girl getting gang-raped by demon canines. He thought he had scared me away, he thought that no sane individual would actually give this to anyone they could ever possibly love.
"That's perfect!"
He did not lie, and I think he shat himself when I paid him for it. I left the other poor hentai shoppers in shocked silence.
Posted by Colin Gray
