Jan. 24 - Asscension
Last night was a night just like any other night. It was night. It was dark. It was night.
That night, I had been resting on the couch, as if that night were any other night.
But it wasn't any other night.
I sat up from the leather couch in order to get something to eat, when I suddenly stopped and looked at my former sitting location. There was an image in the leather of the couch. At first it looked like nothing, but upon closer inspection, it became clear.
The Virgin Mary appeared to me in my butt imprint.
I gazed at the image, wondering what it could possibly mean. A blessing? A curse? A sign of the Apocalypse? A completely arbitrary collection of folds and creases? No, it's something much bigger. For me, at least.
I don't want to say this makes me some sort of holy man--a prophet, if you will. It's nothing like that at all. But it does make me... better than you. This sacred visage puts me on the fast track to heaven. I know it's not fair, but death is just as unfair as life. You're just going to have to deal with it.
So while you're all working your asses off trying to keep in God's good graces, mine has already done the work for me.
Thanks ass. Thass.
Posted by Nick Nobel
