Jan. 21 - The Descent
Saw The Descent the other night, and I thought the director--Englishman Neil Marshall--made some pretty cool choices insofar as the "cinematographer" thread is concerned. No wide, sweeping shots or anything, just an extremely well-done sense of claustrophobia and darkness.
In the opening 40 minutes.
Then the movie turns so wickedly stupid I shot Cherry Coke out of my nose laughing. Do you know how much that hurts? The little bubbles are millions of tiny explosions of white pain in a mostly black world. Horrid.
The characters speak in an almost indistinguishable English slurry. I say "slurry" because the word "accent" doesn't seem to fit a process by which people open their mouths and let a language spill out onto the floor.
Then comes the implausibility of an entire clan of carnivorous orc-people living under the earth for hundreds of years. How many people do you know who go spelunking? I mean seriously... think about this. Maybe 1/4 of our number on this forum have been to places like Mammouth Cave in Kentucky, and even though I know a lot of out-doorsy people, I really don't know any who go around wedging themselves into crevasses a mile under the earth on any regular basis. How, then, does this species of underground man keep itself alive? Can they gain nourishment from the crushing, all-too-palpable failure of their own creators?
FAILURE TASTES LIKE CHICKEN!
I would guess so, or perhaps they can crawl out through a plot-hole and head over to KFC for some Extra Crispy action. In any case, we are to believe from the staggering plentitude of bones that these little hobgoblins have killed hundreds if not thousands of people over the years.
Fine. Whatever. Suspension of disbelief.
At this point I was far enough through the movie to just decide to stick it out and see if it goes anywhere. It doesn't. The characters do some screaming, some more talking in their impenetrable gutter-speak, and someone gets stabbed in the throat with a pick-axe. Speaking of the characters in general: they were well-defined and believable. Wait, no they weren't. They were one-dimensional and there to fill out a role in the pantheon of horror movie cliches.
From left to right: The "Ballsy" one, The "Strong Underneath" one, The "One Who Dies" one, The "One We See In The Shower" one, The "Gods of Perdition She Has A Compound Fracture" one, and of course The "Older Leader" one.
I think what I'm getting at here is that you should save your freaking time and just watch Alien again. It's better, you won't be confused by stupidity, and you won't have Cherry Coke all over your shirt.
Posted by Grant
