Feb. 13 - The Sights and Sounds and Smells and Sights of Ireland
As some of you might be aware, I am spending this semester studying in Dublin. For the month that I've been here thus far, friends and family have asked me time and time again for pictures pertaining to my actions. This is a reasonable request, as I recently acquired a new digital camera, which allows me the freedom to instantly snap pictures of whatever strikes my fancy. In many cases, this consists of architecturally fascinating churches and cathedrals, expansively verdant landscape, and historically significant buildings and statues.
As beautiful and awe-inspiring these may be, in a world of globalization, bunker buster bombs, Match.com, hover cars, and food in pill-form, people are BORED by these. I may as well just send them a postcard.
How can I show them something unique? Something dazzling? Something they've never seen before?
I KNOW! I'll take pictures so mundane, minuscule, and minor, there's no chance that they've ever seen it. How can I show them something both mundane and unique, you ask? Simple. By placing them slightly out of context and adding captions. Let's take a look, won't we?
Weird-Ass Signs 'n Shit!
First of all, that boy doesn't look like a boy. His head is large and man-like. If anything, he's a midget or dwarf or little person or whatever they want to be called now. I'm reminded of Master Billy Quiz-Boy, with his head full of water and brains.
Second, he's touching that little girl very inappropriately, like he's about to flip her around and strike her across the face with his Knightrider lunchbox. In fact, I bet it's no lunchbox at all, but a toolbox full of rusty nails and poison darts. You bastard.
Third, it looks like he's hovering.
I'm just a fan of literalism. And exposed skin.
I'm not so jingoistic that I believe the United States has a monopoly on all things Abraham Lincoln. If we can exploit other nationalities and customs with Lucky Charms, Burger King and the Cleveland Indians, they can take potshots at our national heroes. But driving school? I don't see the connection. "Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers taught their foresons how to parallel park."
I suppose one could argue that Lincoln was the DRIVING force behind the destruction of slavery, and slavery could be an analogy for a teenager's inability to drive. Emancipating oneself from the shackles of home life? That sounds about right.
I know the suit's right behind the sign, but I still think that's an "h".
Out of all the sign pictures, this one confuses me the most. Ignore the "fag" at the top (grow up) and focus on the picture in the bottom right corner. I know it's just a stupid little drawing not-to-scale, but the robber broke the windshield in order to get at the briefcase? On top of that, the hole is way too small to allow the case to get through. This leads me to two conclusions. Either, a) it's a magical shape-shifting briefcase (in which case I can understand why he stole it), or b) he jimmied the door open, and broke the windshield just to be an asshole.
I'll be back in a couple days to comment on Ireland's ample and colorful graffiti. Let's come back, won't we?
Posted by Nick Nobel
