May. 4 - Fuck you Sam Raimi.
I am pissed beyond words, so you will forgive any spelling and grammatical errors. i just spent $7.75 on a ticket to Spiderman 3 and i am going to drop some spoilers because i dont even fucking care. first of all Harry fucking dies, i don't care what it looks like 30 minutes later, he fucking died so don't fucking bring him back, because at the moment you bring him back, 45 minutes from the end, after watching the most painful 30 minutes of so called fucking cinema i am going to walk out of the theater because i simply cant fucking take how ridiculous this movie is!
preceding the moment harry comes back peter finds out his father was killed by thomas hayden church turns emo kills sand man and then KILLS FUCKING HARRY WITH A FUCKING GRENADE. then he gets even more emo and from there follows the most painfull montage i have ever seen followed by a scene of indescribable pain in a jazz club culminating in peter bitchslapping mary-jane across the face which had everyone in the theaters checking their watch. because clearly when you cant generate disdain for your character by making him look like a complete emo fucktard you should have him abuse some women. hey, while your at it why dont you have him go over to aunt em's nursing home and slap her around a little while sodomizeing children, maybe then we will know that we arent supposed to like peter. well after that he is simply fraught with guilt over what he had become so he went up on top of a church in a thunder storm for ultimate emo-effect and tore off his evil emo-suit, by the way if this is news to any of you just watch the trailer its pretty much all in there. but then the evil emo-suit falls on eric forman and calls him a dumbass and tells him to kill peter parker and not 2 seconds later the guy from sidways is magically fucking alive again- full of rage until he sees the locket of his daughter and is calmed like every fucking stereotypical good-guy villain. but now he has to kill peter, and foreman has turned into the lamest fucking venom i could have imagined its like they just didnt fucking care. now for some reason i sat through all this, and maybe the only reason why was because i always liked venom as a villain and i wanted to know what he was going to look like, but i swear if they had showed me that in the preview i wouldnt have even bothered. and for god knows what reason i sat through kirsten dunst with her brand new tooth job get kidnapped for the umpteenth time and the one joy i had was thinking that harry wasnt going to come back. then those mother fuckers for no god damned reason, out of the fucking blue, without even a single hint of foreshadowing and with not a care for continuity brought back a fucking pristine conditioned harry looking like he just hopped out of the bloody shower in the morning and peter just needed him so fucking bad to fight both thomas hayden church and eric foreman, and i walked out. so fuck you sam raimi. fuck you casting your brother in all of your movies, fuck you for thinking that we would find bruce campbell funny in yet another cameo. fuck you for your miserable writing, your god awful directing and your complete and utter inabilty to edit. fuck you for not knowing a damn thing about film and fuck you for getting good reviews. reviews from people who have no idea what good film making is.
spiderman 3 makes star wars episode one look like the seven samurai. and it made me want to drown things.
Posted by Colin Gray
