Nov. 22 - Thanxgiving Fax
* During the original 1619 Thanksgiving celebration, the Virginia colonists ate a thick mush of corn niblets, algae, duck gizzards, leaves, and spring water, which they called "Shim-Shaw."
* The turkey was invented in 1912 by Liftwood R. Gobbler in the Ottoman Empire (renamed Turkey in 1919, which Gobbler knew at the time for some reason). It happened when he accidentally overfed Jeffery, his pet falcon.
* In 1941--the first Thanksgiving officially declared by Congress--when President Franklin D. Roosevelt asked for "a thick juicy leg" of the turkey, only Treasury Secretary Henry Morgenthau Jr. chortled at the irony.
* During his trial in 1970, a reporter asked Charles Manson what he was thankful for. His response was:
"I'll tell you what I'm thankful for, man. I'm thankful for all the bureaucratic tyranny that submerges our centrifuge into a modicum of prosperity, man. I want to thank all the lawyers and bakers and telephone makers who make this hypnocracy [sic] possible, man. That's who and what and where I want to thank, man, that's who it is."
What he actually wanted to say was "yams."
* No one knows what purpose those horn-shaped cornucopia baskets serve.
* By 2034, Thanksgiving will have fully melded with Christmas and Halloween to create a massive three-month holiday orgy in which families come together to eat candy corn, honey glazed ham, stuffing, candy canes, turkey, gingerbread men, toy trucks, pumpkin pie, and miniature Snickers. It will simply be called "Hallothankschrisamfkdshfjalhjsdghjladfshj."
Posted by Nick Nobel
